It has happened to all of us. Perhaps you are sitting in a theater or maybe on your buddy’s couch. You are watching a movie and, at some point before the credits roll, you have a profound realization: “This is the worst movie I have ever seen”. Now the movie may not hold that title forever, as the more movies you see the deeper the bottom of the barrel becomes, but at that moment you know, things have never been this bad.
THE WORST is a term that is thrown around loosely in these pessimistic times, but there are those movies for which it is apropos. I am asking all readers to choose a film that is, for some reason, the worst. I mean really bad. Not even funny-bad, just bad-bad. So bad that repeated viewing may cause bodily harm. When you have chosen your film you are ready to enter…
THE MFS’ FIRST ANNUAL “THE WORST MOVIE I EVER SAW CONTEST AND FILM FESTIVAL”
Contest rules and regulations:
1. Post the title of the film and the year it was released as a comment to this post.
2. The film must: be available on DVD or VHS
relatively easy to get a hold of (Netflixable titles would expedite the screening process).
really REALLY bad.
3. Submissions need to be posted by August 1st to be eligible for consideration.
All submissions will be viewed by the MFS staff and reviewed on the site. The reader who submits the movie that is determined to be the worst will receive a special secret prize and the glory of knowing that you have spent part of your life watching something that has been scientifically proven to be wretched.
If you are a glutton for punishment feel free to play along at home and screen these movies for yourself.
So dig deep into those repressed memories and find something amazingly awful.
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15 comments:
National Lampoon's "Pledge This"
1.Bram Stoker's Dracula - 1992
The first ten minutes had a wonderful daguerrotype/old movie quality to it. Then it just goes downhill from there. Not even Tom Waits could save it.
2. The Matrix Revolutions - 2003
Tired, slapped together and an obnoxiously overbearing score. Strong characters were sidelined (Morpheus, Trinity) and minorcharacters (Niobe, Zee) were given more screen time than they deserved without really making them compelling to watch.
The Benchwarmers
(2006)
I never would have paid to see this movie if I wasn't taking my (then) 12 year old daughter and her friend.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, potty-mouth movie!!! Shame on anyone who had anything to do with turning this garbage bag full of dog poop into a film.
Jon Heder stars (??????) in this piece of crap. I'm pretty sure he may have begun and ended his career in Napoleon Dynamite.
The film makers scraped the bottom of the Hollywood trash heap to shovel up Rob Schneider and David Spade to co-star.
I struggled for a few seconds to try to summarize the plot, but why waste the time?
Targeted audience:
10 to 11 year old boys
and
the guy down the street with a loud motorcycle (when he can get it started) and lots of way cool tatoos, but only after downing a six pack (even biker dudes have standards when it comes to movies)
Miami Vice (2006)
Fast cars, shootouts, and an affair with a druglord's mistress. Should be exciting but you'd be surprised. Have fun nat!
“The Simpsons Movie” isn’t the worst movie I have ever seen. However, it might be the most disappointing. And, what is worse than being disappointed by something you have trusted for so many years? Don’t get me wrong—there were lines that were so funny, I cried. Nor am I mad at the tired plotline—the plotline never mattered much anyway. What I am angry about are the jokes that were (theoretically) dumbed down for the movie audience. Homer getting stuck between a rock and a hard place? Grand Theft Walrus? MAGGIE’S (SECOND) FIRST WORD BEING “SEQUEL” DURING THE END CREDITS??!! All the feeling and intelligence was drained out of this movie somewhere along the way. I am so pissed; I can’t even make a Comic Book Guy joke about Worst.Movie.Ever without a heavy, heavy heart.
Well, this is a very difficult decision, so I'm going to have to go with a tie. It takes a REALLY crappy movie to say I hate it, let's face it- I love crappy movies... I'm sure I can think of plenty more but I'm going to go with the following:
Despite Dennis Hopper and the fact that the first of this series is very very scary, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2" (Tobe Hooper, 1983) is just plain awful. Granted it's been a while since I've seen it, but I doubt I missed enough the first time to pull this sad attempt of a film out of the one star "Hated it" rating I gave it on netflix...
The second of the two is "Maybe Baby" (Ben Elton, 2001). Now, firstly I want to say that I love Hugh Laurie. HOWEVER, this movie stinks! And as funny as wacky Brits trying to get pregnant sounds, it just didn't do it for me. I think that Mr. Bean might have been the funniest part of Maybe Baby, and that's saying a lot!
The Hills Have Eyes
1977 (the original)
The acting is horrible, the effects (like when he ate the dog) are not as good as they could have been, the characters don't have any common sense.
Lena (age 13)
Oblomov (1979)
Mother Goose a Go Go (AKA The Unkissed Bride)
Vertical Limit (2001)
Leonard Pt 6. Watch it and suffer.
Dreamgirls was like a painful junior high musical that you had to go see because your friend was in it. It is Eddie Murphy's worst movie, and that is saying a lot. Nominatons be damned.
When I first read of this contest, my mind was sent reeling from a lifetime of Bad Movie Memories. Bob Rafelson's "Man Trouble" was the first I ever walked out on. I can make the best case as to why Zemeckis' "Forrest Gump" marks the downfall of our society and culture. I actually launched a defiant fistful of half-popped kernels at the screen whilst exiting a presentation of Hallestrom's "Chocolat". Pretty much any film starring a beloved prepubescent television star switches roles with his 'film father' (I'm looking at you, Savage. Cameron.) is worthy. "Armageddon" is, as a noted chubby film critic once pointed out, a 3 hour trailer, while "Training Day" remains a lovely bundle of unicorn kisses and subtle acting in which at least 258 people, including an infant if I'm remembering correctly, wind up with a gun pointed at them.
Valid choices all, however, one film only can be held singularly responsible for influencing a major life decision in my not wanting to ever sire children:
"Look Who's Talking Too" - 1990
81 mind-melting, soul-sucking, testicle-paralyzing minutes of poo poo jokes. No, not bathroom humor...POO POO JOKES!! By the time I had survived the duration I was ready to sterilize myself and check into an asylum.
Going Berserk (1983)
Autumn in New York, 2000.
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