Why are Hitmen Funny?: You Kill Me is not good

This review is from Aaron. I respect the passion for which he loathed this movie and this sub genre as a whole. Enjoy.
--Nat

Grosse Point Blank, Analyze This/That, The Matador. Not had enough hitman "dark" comedies? Here's another one for you.

You Kill Me takes place in upstate New York where snow plowing is a very competitive business. One family-run snow plowing biz has a hitman (Frank) on staff to keep competitors off their turf. This particular hitman's work starts to suffer when his drinking problem gets in the way of his hits. I can just hear the pitch meeting to some studio executive: "okay hitmen are funny right? Well let's have a hitman who is an alcoholic and it starts interfering with his work! hahahaha"

Contracted killings and alcoholism are two very funny things. For some reason the boss sends him out to San Francisco to sober up (I guess this is where hitmen go to get sober.) A family associate sets him up with a place to stay and a job at, of all places, a funeral home! Hahahahahaha. See the irony? hahahahahha. AHAHHAHAHAHAHHA. This is where Frank the hitman meets Tea Leoni and goes to AA meetings. He strikes up a relationship with her and reveals that he is an alcoholic. Ok, she can handle that, she has problems of her own. Also he reveals that he is a hitman. Awesome! That's okay too. Really getting the most out of that suspension of disbelief thing. Tea Leoni says "You're an alcoholic and hitman and I'm still with you doesn't that say anything to you?" Yes, your f**king nuts.

After some ups and downs Frank goes back to NY, staying sober but also staying away from Leoni. She follows him out there and helps him kill people and they live happily ever after. This movie totally kills me in the wrong way. The one redeeming aspect was Ben Kingsley's excellent acting chops as Frank the hitman. This goes to show that even good actors have to pay the bills by doing crappy roles. Dont get too pissed, because doing one bad studio movie probably means more cool indie projects they are then able to do.

Look for Cusak, Kingsley and Brosnan try to kill each other in a delightful "dark" comedy called You Kill Grosse Matadors coming out next fall!

TMFSFATWMIESCAFF

It has happened to all of us. Perhaps you are sitting in a theater or maybe on your buddy’s couch. You are watching a movie and, at some point before the credits roll, you have a profound realization: “This is the worst movie I have ever seen”. Now the movie may not hold that title forever, as the more movies you see the deeper the bottom of the barrel becomes, but at that moment you know, things have never been this bad.

THE WORST is a term that is thrown around loosely in these pessimistic times, but there are those movies for which it is apropos. I am asking all readers to choose a film that is, for some reason, the worst. I mean really bad. Not even funny-bad, just bad-bad. So bad that repeated viewing may cause bodily harm. When you have chosen your film you are ready to enter…

THE MFS’ FIRST ANNUAL “THE WORST MOVIE I EVER SAW CONTEST AND FILM FESTIVAL”

Contest rules and regulations:
1. Post the title of the film and the year it was released as a comment to this post.
2. The film must: be available on DVD or VHS
relatively easy to get a hold of (Netflixable titles would expedite the screening process).
really REALLY bad.
3. Submissions need to be posted by August 1st to be eligible for consideration.

All submissions will be viewed by the MFS staff and reviewed on the site. The reader who submits the movie that is determined to be the worst will receive a special secret prize and the glory of knowing that you have spent part of your life watching something that has been scientifically proven to be wretched.

If you are a glutton for punishment feel free to play along at home and screen these movies for yourself.

So dig deep into those repressed memories and find something amazingly awful.

Kickin' It Old Skool is a real movie. Trust me I saw it.

Kickin’ it Old School (I ‘m sorry, “Skool”) was a flop. In fact, the only real proof that it played in theaters at all is a billboard declaring that it opened April 27th that, inexplicably, still looms over my commute. It can currently be seen at America's 2nd run “Dollar Theaters” and will be available for home viewing on August 28th.
The film scores no points for originality. Both its “culture shock after coming out of a __ year coma” and “saving _________ by winning a ___________ contest” plotlines have been done and done and done before. Originality is not the goal with this feature. The purpose is to provide a platform for the comedy of Jaime Kennedy, a performer whose work is hit and miss. While he was spot-on with his dual cameos in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, a look down his filmography reminds us of his work in Son of the Mask and Doctor Doolittle 2.
Kennedy is able to pull this one off. Unlike so many comic actors he does not rely on an oversized ego to be funny. Between Jack Black, Will Farrell and Vince Vaugn there are enough people doing the self confident boob shtick. Kennedy, instead, fully commits to playing a teen from the 80’s who suddenly finds himself as a thirty-something in the 21st Century. There is no sense of “I am hilarious, allow me to shower you with my humor” from any of the actors in the film. Instead the viewer gets that rare feeling that the performers are trying to win us over; that they have something to prove.
80’s nostalgia has also become a well trod path as we get further from that special decade. Most of the references in Kickin’ it Old Skool dive a bit deeper than those of other films or the I Love the 80’s program on Vh1. The attention paid to toys of the era in particular will delight people of a certain age. Having seen this with someone born a tad too late I can say it will confound those of other ages. I was unable to explain the glory of Garbage Pail Kids without disrupting other moviegoers.
There is plenty about the movie that is indefensible. Some of the editing and camera work should have been done with some extra care. Gags revolving around issues of race and religious affiliation are not clever enough to be much more than offensive. However, while some of the jokes are too easy and others are plain tired, there are enough surprising laughs to make the film an overall, albeit lowbrow, success.

Transformers: Too much met my eyes

Transformers is a lot like a trip to Wal Mart. There is way too much for your senses to take in; some of it is incredibly appealing, some of it is horribly tacky and the whole experience leaves you feeling a little tainted.
The visual effects are the draw with this film. The computer generated Autobots and Decepticons are seamless and utterly believable. At several times the screen is just a mess of techno garble but for the most part the people at Industrial Light and Magic have realistically depicted a world where 30 foot robots come crashing to earth and change freely into cars, trucks and sport utility vehicles then back again into robots. Think about that for a second. That is not an easy feat.
The trouble with this movie is there is a whole lot more than Transformers in Transformers. The movie tries to be everything to everyone. It is clear that director Michael Bay has set out to entertain both children and the parents who bring them to (and pay for) the movie. However, there is also an attempt to appease the hordes of fanboys (and perhaps three fangirls) who have remained dedicated to the Transformers universe ever since they were in Snork pajamas. It seems that nothing has been left on the cutting room floor. There is a romance in there, as well as a family comedy, a military sub plot, cute robo-shenanigans and a techno caper to boot. It is a film that manages to pay homage to (or rip off, depending how cynical the viewer) Herbie the Love Bug, Short Circuit, Men in Black, Short Circuit II, Men in Black II, E.T., Starship Troopers, Independence Day, and Hackers, in no particular order.
The result, for me, is a wildly uneven movie that rambles on satisfying all of its viewers some of the time but less of us all of the time. However, I am but one man. In a Middlebrow Film Society first, below you will find an instant retort to my review. Written by Lena, my 13 year old cousin, I think you will find it well composed, thoughtful and far less jaded than my ramblings. Her first line should be on Transformers posters across America:


The movie Transformers is (in my opinion) a great movie for anyone who likes action, humor, and robots. One thing i found funny in the movie was the personalities of the Autobots (good guys) They all have a different ability that they contribute to the group. Bumblebee was my favorite Autobot because he seemed like the youngest, but also one of the strongest.
I liked the action so much that my friend and I went into another theater to watch the last half of the movie again.

To Lena: You are the youngest contributor to this site but also one of the strongest. Thank you.

1408

This is a review from Peggy K.
Forced into the cineplex due to the fact that she is a mother, Peggy stumbled upon 1408...

I was looking for a movie to see in the same theater complex while my daughter and her friend saw Transformers. I had not even heard of or seen a preview for 1408, but I certainly was not going to see the big robot movie. The short review in the newspaper said it's from a short story by Stephen King and gave it a good grade.

This is a scary movie! John Cusack plays a writer who writes, tongue in cheek, about "haunted" hotels, though he himself is not a believer in ghosts or hauntings. Samuel L. Jackson is the manager of the Dolphin Hotel in NYC, where room 1408 is (in his words) "a f _ _ _ ing evil room", as he tries to dissuade Cusack from spending the night. Of course he stays anyway, and commences to be bombarded by ghosts of guests past, his inner demons, his own family tragedies, and all sorts of scary goings-on. There is even the "climb out the window on the 14th floor and try to make it over the ledge to the next room" scene. It works yet again.

Okay, some of it is over the top; I think The Shining had the right mix of supernatural/psychological scariness. With the special effects capabilities now, they seem to want to throw everything they can into a film.

A good Stephen King flick - I was pleasantly frightened!

Peggy K.

Sicko

My health care provider runs a commercial on primetime TV. It urges me to eat well, get exercise, and take the stress out of my life. The underlying message is: take care of yourself so that we don’t have to. Michael Moore has created a film shows that shows us a health care system whose corruption, amorality, and deficiencies go much deeper than these calculated ads.
Sicko is the work of a propagandist (which is not always a pejorative) of great skill. Moore’s film strays little from the aesthetic that he established in his first film, Roger and Me and has not strayed from. Once again ironic footage of Americana and wistful music are juxtaposed against the harshness of real life. The patter of his script will be very familiar to patrons of his previous movies.
As he done in each of his films, Moore includes footage that you will never be able to get out of your head (the skinning of a rabbit in Roger and Me, the security camera footage of the massacre in Bowling for Columbine, the child victims of carpet bombings in Fahrenheit 9/11). In Sicko it is the image of a disoriented woman wandering Los Angeles’ skid row after being dumped there by a local hospital that will hit viewers in their cores.
As he did with Fahrenheit 9/11, Moore has made a more serious piece than, say, Bowling for Columbine. His signature humor (which is truly his greatest asset in bringing his message to the world) though still sharp, has been toned it down a bit. Moore, who was in almost every frame of Roger and Me, has largely removed himself from this film choosing to let victims of the health care system do the talking. He has even lowered the snarkiness quotient in his voice a few levels. This is appropriate for the often tragic nature of the film. However, the transitions to lighter fare are, at times, awkward. At these moments it feels like Moore is not sure what type of movie he wants to make.
The charge that Sicko is one sided is true. The fact that it is also a gripping and entertaining movie that appeals to middle class values is what scares his detractors. This film is not a documentary at all. It is a compelling expose of a national crisis and one man’s proposal for a solution. It is not unfair to characterize Sicko as a two hour commercial for nationalized health care. However, this is a commercial that Moore has the right to make. After all, we sit through plenty of air time that endorses privatized health care each time we turn on the TV.

Is Funny Enough? The Case Against Knocked Up

Ever since I saw Knocked Up I have been getting into arguments. These arguments are of my own making. Some unsuspecting friend will ask, “Did you like it?” and I should simply say “Yeah it was very funny.” But, because I am annoyingly opinionated, I say, “It was funny but it is a bad movie.” Then I have to defend myself. Below I have written down the defense for my belief that Knocked Up, while funny, is not a good movie.

The easy part is establishing that this movie is funny. Director Judd Apatow has consistently brought the world laughter ever since he worked on the Ben Stiller Show (he occasionally portrayed the Fox Television Network’s mascot who was, of course, a slob dressed as a fox). There are dozens of memorable lines and sequences in Knocked Up that illicit hard, hard laughter. The humor is fresh and off beat; it is more frank and disarming than anything seen in a recent romantic comedy.

I admit to all of the aforementioned things being true each time I get in an argument about this film. Then, like a jerk, I have to say “But…” and proceed to mention the following:

It is not necessary for every single character in this movie to have a “funny moment”. There is a scene in 40 Year-Old Virgin (Apatow’s last film) where Jane Lynch, playing store manager Paula, informs Andy, Steve Carell's titular virgin, that she is “very discreet, but I’ll haunt your dreams.” This is a moment of hilarity that will go down in the record books. It seems that every supporting player in Knocked Up wants a similar moment all their own. These results of this are mixed(Kristen Wiig = quite funny, Ryan Seacrest = quite uncomfortable) but more importantly they slow the movie down. In a genre where timing is everything you can’t have a 129 minute movie where it feels like everything and anything that the filmmakers found amusing was included. Someone needs to take one for the team and be the straight man. Most of the Marx brothers' movies are about 80 minutes long and they understood the importance of having a Zeppo.

In addition, Knocked Up does not commit to its characters. In 40 Year-Old Virgin Andy is a fully realized person. One aspect of him is that he is a virgin and it is that aspect that drives the plot of the movie. However, at no time is the character of Andy altered to amplify the humor or the pathos of the movie. The character of Ben (played by Seth Rogan) in Knocked Up is a sarcastic stoner when that is funny, a lovable schlub when sympathy is required, a total jerk to create conflict, and finally, a matured companion to produce closure. This makes it difficult to care for Ben because the viewer never knows exactly who he is.

Normally I would not tear apart a comedy in such a manner. I am, after all, the guy who went to see Little Man with an open mind. It is just that Judd Apatow fancies himself someone capable of taking comedy to a higher level, and he often does. His latest is nothing more than a funny movie.